Travelling the rollercoaster transition that is starting school.

Many of us here have already begun the new academic year, however in other parts of the world it is just around the corner. This is a such a big step for all children whether they have been in childcare of whatever kind, or have been at home. Not just for the children either, I hasten to add! As a parent it has been one of the toughest things I have had to adjust to for many reasons.

So, how can we help ease this transition? Firstly, I think it is important to remember that a transitional period such as this is never linear. They could be perfectly fine for a few days or weeks and then bam! "Why do I have to go to school?" is being wailed whilst rolling around on the floor like someone who has just taken a bullet.

There are things we can do. For example there is a plethora of books out there that can help illustrate that things aren't as bad as they may seem. That even though they may not be able to see you, your parent's will be thinking about you throughout the day - and they will come back. Two of my favourite books on this topic are 'Love' by Corrinne Averiss. This is an amazing tool to help children whether it's starting school, nursery or separation anxiety more generally. I have also recommended this book to those who are grieving as the principle of all being attached via strings no matter the distance can be applied. Corrinne has such a beautiful way with words and alongside Kirsti Beautyman's illustrations a truly magical concept is easily accessible to understand.

We all have strings, they join us together no matter the distance, just give a little pull whenever you need to know they are there at the other end thinking of you. No matter what happens they can "never truly break."

The second book is The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. The story of Chester Raccoon who does not want to go to school. To help him his mum shares a family secret known as the kissing hand. A kiss is given to the hand, which is wrapped up by your hand to make it stick. Chester can carry it around all day knowing his mother's love is right there with him. This has been the strategy that has been the most effective for my daughter. Even now she will ask for it not just for school, but at any time we may be apart. It's a fantastic book,

beautifully written illustrating that we carry the love of others wherever we may go.

I have a list over on bookshop.org called starting school which contains even more book ideas that might be of help to you. You can find it here.

Another thing we can do is simply talk. Listen to their concerns and try to answer them, or if you can't explain you will find out for them - and then do that. Talk about what their teacher's name, and what the day might look like at school. If you know some of the other parents then perhaps arranging some play dates might be benefical, so that there is a friendly face in the classroom.

However, you are travelling to school, you could do a practice run so they can see what route you will take and how long it might take. One of the most important times of the day for kids is lunchtime - so get them involved with snack / lunch (if they are taking that with them.) Perhaps they have some favourite things that would be like getting a hug from you. Or if it is school dinners perhaps there is a menu that you can share with them.

A visual calendar - it doesn't have to be fancy will always be a good thing to add. This could show if it is a P.E day, art, library, maybe an after school club or activity. If someone other than you will be picking you child up on a set day you could also include them on the calendar. Not only will this help your child to manage their expectations of what is to come for the day, it will help you all remember what you need to take! It can help foster independence by placing the responsibility on them - "what do you have / need today?" will eventually (hopefully) be enough of a prompt for them to organise themselves.

Talk to other parents, I can assure you your child is not alone in their struggles. It will help alleviate some of the feelings you are having too. Be even more kind and patient than usual, this is a big step for everyone. Remember your home is their safe space, so when they are acting out, displaying unusual behaviours for them that this is them venting. Support them by acknowledging these emotions and trying to give alternative coping mechanisms. That I know, is easier said then done at the end of a long day, but if we can show empathy to our little ones we can understand the behaviour is communicating with us that this is hard for them.

Let's face it who doesn't feel better when you get a hug from a loved one after a bad day?